raspi-config/Advanced Options/Network Config problem

What is the problem? Wifi via a dongle and SSH access functionality flip-flopping depending on raspi-config/Advanced Options/Network Config/[dhcpcd | NetworkManager

I've been runnign Octopi on this 3B+ for a few years. Recently I added a WiFi dongle to it, and had it working. I made the mistake of trying to optimize it. I managed to hose the whole thing. So I backed it up from web interface, and started fresh with new install of current OS. It's fuzzy to say the least which network files need to be edited these days for a Rpi novice. I got to the point where my WiFi dongle was recognized as an interface but never connected/got an IP address. I found somewhat by accident if I used raspi-config and changed the Network Config to dhcpcd, the WiFi started working. But simultaneously, SSH rejects connections with that setting. Using the same tool to change back to NetworkManager option and SSH works again, but the Wlan1 goes down (I can't get it to connect). It would be helpful to know what the text tool is doing so I could correct. Anyone know the details of those 2 options and what they actually change?

Or a good current guide on how to configure a WiFi dongle with a static IP address (also static on Eth0), disable the on-board WiFi, using the current OS?

I've tried editing
/etc/network/interfaces
/boot/octopi-wpa-supplicant.txt
/etc/wpa_supplicant/wpa_supplicant.conf
and changing parameters via raspi-config and nmtui
I've turned off Wlan0 (and bluetooth) using rfkill but sometimes it comes back after reboot, sometimes it sticks.

Whatever I've done so far has not managed to get it functioning again.

It's not clear to me which of the above it "proper" or the default method to configure the dongle.

Happy to reload it again.

EDIT: I got it working with NetworkManager set, and then by using the commands at this link:

The related files appear to be here (at least):
/etc/NetworkManager/system-connections/*

I got the wifi dongle and SSH back working at the same time again. I'm going to reload clean and start from scratch, without all my experimental changes trying to make it work.